Nostalgic Cinema-("Private School")

Television and movies playing a major role,(get it? Major role? ....Okay, not funny), in my childhood. During the 1980's,(and early 90's), there were so many great things that came forth on the TV screen. Back then the graphics seemed so real to me that I believed they were real. I really believed there were Critters rolling around in fuzzy balls somewhere in the U.S. I was convinced that there was a underground treasure passage hidden underneath somebody's home just waiting to be explored like on the Goonies. So many shows and films had such a big impression on me and I still adore them to this day. Here are some I remember.

"Private School"(1983)

For the longest time I hadn't seen the non-censored verision of this movie. My mom had recorded the Television version of Private School when it aired on T.V back in 1990. I still have that same vhs tape with the TV version of the movie. (Matter of fact, I posted the whole movie, commercials included, in several parts on my youtube channel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szjrhHJN5dk) Back in 1990, I was only ten years old. Although what I had viewed was only a censored addition, it still had a profound affect on me. At ten years old I was clueless on what sex really was but thanks to this movie I could prove that sex really was something real.

The movie gives us a Hollywood demonstration on life at an all girls school. Cherryvale Academy seemed more like a housing unit for sports illustrated swimsuit models than it did a school. All the girls in that school were more that average on the beauty scale, not to mention their playboy bunny bodies. There was one exception though when they cast Kathleen Wilhoite for the role of Betsy. (Not to say that "Betsy" was ugly, but let's face it, there's no comparison between Jordan and good old horny Betsy.) The near by all boy's academy wasn't as glamorous in the looks department either.(One word....Bubba. Need I say more?) The story basically revolves around Chrissy and her boyfriend Jim and whether or not Chrissy was going to let him hit it or. Sorry to be so crude, but after the first hour and a half, even as a kid I wanted to scream, "Oh for Gods Sake just do it already!" Chrissy, who was played by Phoebe Cates,(the girl from Gremlins as I used to call her), was a big ol' virgin as if you didn't guess already. She wanted her first time to be special in every way leaving poor old Jim with a nice set of blue balls. I always understood back then that "Chrissy" never did it but I wasn't sure about Jim. It was never said if he was a virgin or not. (I guess it doesn't make a difference. It's just something I've always wondered.) Going on with the characters, next in line was Chrissy's best friend Betsy,(as I mentioned earlier), and her boyfriend Bubba who was Jim's best friend. Although Betsy wasn't as pretty as the other girls, she was my favorite. That girl knew her stuff and the funniest thing was she was just as horny as the guys! Her boy Bubba though was an honest to God pig. My lord all the boy thought about was sex. They might as well have hired Wilt Chamberlain for the role to play himself. There's even one part in the movie when Bubba's playing this dirty sex arcade game called "The Big Score" and he's actually getting turned on by it. (This was still back in the Nintendo/arcade era and I looked all over the place for a arcade game like the one Bubba was playing in the movie. I was just curious to know how you had to defeat the woman in the game. I told you I was pretty clueless on sex at that age!) Bubba seemed like he had a hard on for everyone even though Betsy was supposedly his girl, but Jordan was the one that really got his juices flowing. (Um...gross.) Jordan,played by sexy Betsy Russell, was the sex goddess at Cherryvale academy and a sneaky one at that. She was way more sexier and experienced then Chrissy, who was about an inch away from being a nun. Jordan had the hots for Jim which I never understood neither because not only did I find Jim not cute at all but I also thought he was a huge nerd. Nevertheless, Jordan wanted to sink her claws into him which she tries to do all throughout the movie in her sneaky little plots to make Jim leave Chrissy and get with her. There was a couple more characters with some small roles like Roy who was a real geek and friend of Bubba and Jim, and Rita who was Jordan's pal. Then there was Miss Dutchbok, the head of the academy I can you can say. She was a tough old brood who tried to keep those bad horny girls in line. I never fell over with laughter peeing my pants from this movie but it did have some scenes that put a smile on my face. Seeing Miss Dutchbook walk in on Bubba and Betsy with her red dress around her head stuck as a memorable scene. The absolute best was when the boys decided to sneak into the girls school at night disguised as women themselves. I'm sure no one took notice to Bubba in his red dress and blond wig with his five o'clock showing. As the drag queens challenge the halls of Cherryvale who should they run into but Jordan her devious self. Jordan wasn't all body and no brains so she knew right away that the "girls" were the guys but she still plays along and gets Jim only to come to dorm room with her. I guess Bubba feels left out so he does what any sexually frustrated college boy dressed in drag would do......he climbed outside on the ledge of the building to peep through Jordan's window. He watches how Jordan tries to seduce Jim and gets him to massage her naked back. Meanwhile, Roy, the boy no one cares about, walks around talking in a high pitched lady's voice and tries to get the attention of any girl who would listen. Back to the what could have been hot sex scene, Jordan decides to pop up in the middle of her back rub and tries to tear Jim's lovely dress off to return the flavor. Jim doesn't give in and admits he is in fact a boy. (What a shock.) Jordan fakes a scream and goes running out in the hallway without her shirt on letting Chrissy see the whole scene. Chrissy wasn't the only one to bust her boyfriend. Betsy also opened her window to see Bubba in a dress staring into Jordan's bedroom. All three boys left that night disappointed but not before Bubba accidentally jumps into bed with the shaken up female PE teacher. The movie had all kinds of similar outrageousness throughout the film, including a unforgettable mooning scene at the end. I never got to appreciate that scene to it's fullest extent because the television version shows them in underwear as they moon Miss Dutchbok on graduation day. I always thought that was how the movie really ended until I read a review and seen that was only an alternative version. The real ending I soon learned was a buck naked moon. I soon realized that my mom did me a favor by not throwing out that old vhs tape containing this movie because the TV verision consisted some hard to find alternative clips. Another good reasoning for having that vhs tape was that I could watch it over and over again, which I always did as a kid. The only bad thing was that it really did create more sex questions for me at ten years old. What was foreplay? What was those things that Jim was buying at the pharmacy? Condoms? What do you use them for? As you can see, although this movie wasn't a drop dead funny film and it left me confused as hell, it did make me smile, show me the side of sex, and made me almost want to go to an all girl rich school when I grew up. Oh, just for spoilers, Chrissy did lose her virginity by the way.