Forver Young

Ever since I turned thirty, I miss my childhood more than ever. My husband has watched our perfectly grown up room turn into a half way house for Care Bears and Wuzzles. The older I became the more childhood memories I started to remember. I lost that part of me for too long. Around 1993 I fell lost into a world of drugs and sex and it took me a long time to crawl out of that hole. When I finally surfaced, it took me some time to forget about that side of the world and build my life back up all over again. I got my cash and weight up, remarried to my first real love, and had a handful of kids. It was like I had to uproot all the weeds in my life and plant fresh seeds to start over again. What grew from this was beautiful but after a while I kicked around in that garden I call a life and found that something was buried underneath all that dirt. I remembered that there was another life I once had before all of this called my childhood. I spent so many years only focusing on cleaning up my own mess of a life that I didn't realize so many things I used to love was gone. A lot of things I treasured from my childhood were thrown out or pawned. Stores that I used to love to venture in as a kid had been long out of business. Certain foods I adored back when I was little had been pulled off the market ages ago. Even my grandma and Daddy were gone now with only tombstones of their names remaining. It's so easy not to notice, or more so, not to care about things when you are stuck in a comatose opiate state. After  rebirthing myself out of that numbness I noticed these things were gone. Then it hit me how important those things really were to me. All that did was piss me off even more at the person who once said "You never know what you have until it's gone" because the S.O.B was right. Although I lost so many things I was grateful for the most important thing that I had not lost and that was my memories. My childhood was such a great, fun time for me and now a days when I read what people write on those 80's forums I see that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I adore the 1980's all the way to 1992 only because they were special times. Especially the 80's. Once I recalled how special my younger years were I decided to bring back some of those memories to my home. I started a small collection of retro toys lined up on shelves in my bedroom. Whenever I'm in a thrift store I search for those old collectible glasses that Mcdonald's used to sell. I started getting old vhs tapes off of people so I could upload old commercials on youtube. (http://www.youtube.com/user/sugarrrsmack?feature=mhum ) It's nice to have a couple memorabilia's back. I always think back to that line on the Breakfast Club when Ally Sheedy says "When you grow up, your heart dies." I always hated that quote and wanted to prove her wrong.

 I thought that your heart only dies if you let it. Well, only part of my theory is true. I may collect things from my childhood but here's the thing.... I'm not a child anymore. I have kids. I drink coffee. I smoke. I don't run at full speed to belly flop onto a slip and slide anymore. (Not to say that I haven't tried it lately. Honestly, it hurt my boobs too much that last time to ever try that again... EVER!) I may be somewhat immature but whether I like it or not, I grew up. The magic, wonder, & innocence of being a child will never return. That part of my heart did end up dying. I think one aspect of my childhood that I loved the most was the imagination. You pretty much lose that when you grow up and you cannot hide from reality. Not that my life is bad but reality is pretty sucky now a days. I've found that the memories of my childhood bring happiness to my world and that is why I hold them really close to me. Some people want to let go of their past. Though for me it isn't an option. I can't forget my past, the good or the bad, because it made me who I am today. Besides, who could forget those years anyway? They were just too fun.